don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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