I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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