do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize