moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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