I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
