absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
