Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
