How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
