morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
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I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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