Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize