I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your penis caused this!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
