So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
