I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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