Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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