I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
