Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
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If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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