Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
