don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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