Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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