It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
