Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
