I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
