I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize