I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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