Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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