I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
