i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
