I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im drinking this country out of the recession.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
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Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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