so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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