I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
