but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
