hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize