so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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