this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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