cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
