So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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