those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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