I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
