Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
