And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The air was thick with penises
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
