You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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