Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
