He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
