He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
