He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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