Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
