we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
