He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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