I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
