Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
