but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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