i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
