I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
