people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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