Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
