i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
