Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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