these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize