dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
