If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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